They are all genuinely good people and people that I trust, but they all have one major quality that often ruins them, at least in the relationship department (sorry that I keep coming back to this by the way xp), because it hides some of their most beautiful qualities. I'm just going to go ahead and list them out so that you have an idea of what I'm talking about:
1) A very good friend of mine cannot, for the life of her, stick with a guy for more than a week or so. I mean as soon as she has him then she lets him go because, i assume, the chase is over and thus no longer exciting. I also think that it has to do with the fact that she doesn't really know what she wants and she's not picky enough. Oh, and she also has more creepers than anyone else I know, an unfortunate downside of being nice to everyone, a trait that guys who never get looked at twice take as real interest.
2) This has got to be the most common one. I can name maybe three girls who don't have this problem. Most of my friends are ALWAYS negative about their appearance. Do they ever feel pretty? It's not like people never tell them theyre pretty! Don't they see that if you are constantly saying that you are ugly and overweight that people are eventually going to look at them that way. Not to mention that to be able to get anywhere in this world you have to have confident in yourself.
3) Trash talking. Need I say more? One of my absolutely kindest friends is also a terrible trash talker. I have no idea why, it doesn't make any sense to me. She is unbelievably sweet most of the time, but when she isn't, ooh boy it's not pretty. Why doesn't she realize that gossiping and trash talking can make her come off as a conceited bitch, which she isnt!
4) This is kind of a strange one. A friend of mine does not like compliments (nor, of course, does she like insults). At this point I've just given up, I don't tell her anything about her. But for people who don't know, I can't imagine how confusing it is to tell someone, "hey, you look really good today" and then to have them give you a morose expression in return, maybe even walk off in a huff.
I'm honestly not sure how to help them. I kind of feel like it's better to just tell them what I think their problem is instead of letting it to continue to harm them over time, but then what do I know? I could be totally wrong. I've been trying to tell them subtly, going silent when they start complaining/trash talking/etc, telling them that I think what they are doing is mean, but so far it doesn't seem to be doing much good. So I think for now I'm just going to try turning up the pressure a little bit (instead of unleashing a flood of correction, even if flows from a genuinely caring place) and see if that does anything.
Honestly, I think this whole post stems from the fact that I just got finished watching 2 straight hours of Millionaire Matchmaker. Haha, it's actually a pretty good show, especially if you're looking for solid dating advice.
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I just ate half an onion with tortilla chips and shredded cheese. So fucking hungry and that didnt help. I do not want to go to the god damn store tomorrow ha...
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I dont know what to tell you about your friends. When 1) finds the right guy or couple of guys when she is older it will cool her jets. Either that or she will find a guy who is a pro at keeping girls running, and then get run ragged. 1) is a function of time, it/she will get better. Everyone has a 2) problem. I have kinda a 2) problem. Its our culture. Guys exploit this shit all the time too. They knock them down and keep them down so that its easier to manipulate them. Tell 3) whats on your mind! Tell her she sounds like a conceded bitch when she opens her mouth like that. Blunt honesty can be healing sometimes. Your friend 4) sounds like a bitch. Why does she not like being complemented? Its not easy to tell someone something nice, and if she is going to snub her nose at it well then god damn. The only fix to that is if the world was all of a sudden really mean for a long time to her. If she is pretty though, that probably wont happen. Pretty girls that are in high school are generally bitches. The universe evens this out with a plethora of douche bag dudes lol.
Your getting solid dating advice from millionaire matchmaker? How does that work? Do the opposite of what you see? I look for solid dating advice all the time, everywhere. I feel like im being drained slowly with each failed attempt. I am so picky now to slow this draining feeling. I just want to score on a good one and stay put. I guess thats what everyone wants.
I deleted the random post. I didnt want you to see it but you already did, it was only 2 or 3 sentences long. It was silly and I know you dont feel that way. I figured, why expose myself like that to someone who is indifferent or worse. Your words can bring real pain. Under the surface, I am a very sensitive person.
Half an onion? You must have eaten a lot of chips! haha
ReplyDeleteThank you for your advice, I mostly agreed with it except I'm not going to let my friend learn her lesson by getting run ragged, I'd rather hurt her then let someone ruin her. Also, I thought I'd tell you this so that in case you ever meet someone like #4 you'll understand them better. People like that arent sticking up heir noses and being conceited, they actually get upset because they feel like they dont deserve compliments. They have such a miserably low self-esteem that they hate to be reminded of themselves, even if it's in a positive manner. It's truly sad. :(
You have to watch at least a few episodes of MM to understand just how great of a show it is. First of all, it's not like some crazy bachelor show that has almost no rules and sets up relationships that are doomed to fail. This lady is running a real matchmaking business for millionaires. The problem with millionaires: they didnt make theyre millions in love and most of them are really not good at dating. Thus, Patti, the host, helps them to not only find people who they will be compatible with but also gives them tips for how to be a better dater/person in general. One of the best things about Patti is that she's great at what she does and she tells people exactly what's wrong with them, which can make her seem kind of bitchy at first, but in the end it works every time. I know it seems like a really stupid place to look for advice but all I can tell you is that, as a girl, the advice she gives to her male millionaires is almost always spot on as to fixing something that I had already noticed would turn me off.
As for the draining feeling that youre experiencing, I know exactly what youre talking about. Assuming that more drainage occurs over time then youre probably more "drained" than me, but still, at the core the feeling is the same. The best advice I can give you is to find someone (preferably a girl) who has more experience but still seems just as messed up as u are. And who keeps an online blog where he/she writes a bunch of crazy stuff that makes u think about stuff that youve probably never thought about before. Then, start your own crazy, stupid blog and write about stuff that makes that makes you happy, but also about things that make you hurt and make u go back to stuff that you dont want to remember. Write about things that you havent told anyone else before and about stuff that makes you feel accomplished, even if its small. Then listen to what they have to say, try to keep an open mind about it, and try to remember what made you full in the first place. Try to go back to the core of yourself, the part of you that makes you remember who u r and what u want and why u love being u. Then, even if after a while they say you're indifferent or worse, at least youll know that u are happy that u listened to them, and that u shared yourself. Sensitive people get hurt easily, but then you already know that.
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ReplyDeleteI...didnt mean to call you indifferent or worse. You seem hurt by that in your response.
ReplyDeleteMy comment up there should read "I figured, why expose myself like that to someone who is PERHAPS indifferent or worse."
Sorry, I posted and forgot "perhaps" up there.
There is so much to say to your comment...